Twins Hedger

II will refer to the daddy as blank as he needs to say how he feels also it was a complicated relationship with a hard time xx
Where to start is so very hard i fell in love with sumone close i rember the first time i see this person i thought wow i felt this warmth and excitment ,was it love the person was to be very close to the family ,as much as i tryed to pull myself away from the feeling i couldnt do it we then begun a fun,up down high low romnatic loving fun rowing relationship which lasted until just last week,so his my story,
me and blank were so in love we had many people desaprove of are love but as any one knows love knows no boundries !!we were having fun a yr on and we had alot of heart ache getting togeva so we begun to ignore what people said and followed are hearts then sadly after my trust it was brokne and things happened blank had done somethink i thought i couldnt forgive ,but the week before i was feeling pain i was late for my periods and missed a couple and had put on weight i was not a slim person but not that big i begun to get cravings and begun to notice sickness and tirdeness surley i said to myself i cant be i had been (steralised) so i was led to belive but i found out due to complications this was never done as i had emergency c section so i had clips that had come lose instead of tubal litigation ...,Panic started to set in blank and me had been arguing i was asked by him to show my love by leaving the situation i was in but i found it hard as i knew he had cheated in the past and was worried he would again ,so we agreed to see how we got on til we made the next step inbetween all of the year he had gone to and throw being with me without until he started the course he was on i was so happy for him he was getting male and female friends i felt worried and thought it was silly i mrean i was happy he was having friends at last abd going out and he was happy he would text and i as fine .....then comes the course part where he had to go for week away i thought do i tell him or wait as i had tested and postive not once but i lost count on tests i brought so he went away i begun to feel like he was acting strange then it turns out i was right he come back had been unfaithful it was so obvious too
I COULDNT UNDERSTAND WHAT I HAD DONE HE HURT ME BAD THEN COMES THE HEART ACHE SUMTHINK ELSE HAPPENED AND I COULDFNT TAKE NO MORE ,SO I WAS ON THE NET IN PAIN ID THOUGHT MY PERIOD WAS GOING TO START I HAD THEN REALISED I WAS COVERED IN BLOOD I RUSHED TO THE BATHROOM THEN TO A&E THEY REASSURED ME IT WAS PROBERLY MY PERIOD AND I WAS TO WATCH THE CLOTS AT THAT TIME NOBODY KNEW MY STREALISATION NEVER TOOK PART SO RESTING AGAIN AT HOME I FELT CONTRACTION PAINS ME AND A FRIEND WERE DUE TO GO TO FRANCE AND WE WERE IN TOYS RUS THEN I HAD AN URGE TO USE THE LOO MY TUMMY GOING TEN TO THE DOZEN I FELT LIKE A CRAZY LADY SO I WENT TO THE LOO THE PAIN I FELT A GUSH AGAIN BLOOD WATER AND THEN COMES CLOTS VERY ODD ONES I WAS IN SO MUCH PAIN I SAID TO MY FRIEND PLS WE NEED TO GET TO A N E RUSHING TO A HOSPITAL I WALKED IN WITHIN SECONDS WAS SEEN I WAS ASKED MY DATES I EXPLAINED SHE SAID UR IN PRE TERM LABOUR I THOUGHT IT WAS A DREAM I FELT LIKE I WAS WATCHING MYSELF THIS DOESNT HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE I THOUGHT ,THE PAINS WERE SO CLOSE TOGETHER I WAS FEEKING AN URGE TO PUSH I HAD DRS NURSES MIDWIFE SCANNERS ALL ROUND I WAS RUSHED UP DOWN ,SO SCARED SO FRIGHTENED AND ALL I COULD THINK OF WHERE WAS THE BLANK HE WAS NO WHERE TO BE SEEN HE WAS HOW CAN I PUT IT HE WAS ENTERTAINING FRIENDS SO I WAS UNABLE TO GET HIM I LAY THERE SO SCARED I WAS GIVEN GAS AND AIR I THEN HAD TO BEGIVEN PAIN INJECTIONS I WAS BLEEDING SO MUCH IT WAS AWFUL EXMANATION ONE AFTER THE OTHER UNTIL I RELASIED THE NURSE SAY TO THE MIDWIFE IT WAS OK NOW SHE COULD GO WHAT WAS IT THEN I HEARD THE DR SAY YES THIS IS A MISSCARRIAGE IT SEEMED LIKE EVERYTHINK HAD STOPPED AND ALL I COULD HE WAS THE GAS AND AIR AND THE DRS MUFFLED VOICE I WAS THEN TOLD TO BREATHE AND RELAX IT WOULD ALL BE OVER SOON THEY KEEPT CHECKING MY CERVIX AND MY LOSS I MANGED TO LOOK DOWN ........I WAS BLEEDING MUCH HEAVIER THAN AT THE LAST A N E VISIT OMG I THOUGHT IF I WAS HAVING A MISSCARRIAGE WHAT WAS THE LAST LOSS I SENT MY FRIEND TO ASK I WAS IN DISBELIEF,THEN I HEARD THE DR CHATTING TO MY FRIEND ,ALL OF THE DRS AND NURSE APART FROM ONE WHO WAS GREAT AND HELD MY HAND THROUGH OUT SHE WAS SAYING TO ME BE STRONG THEN INCOME MY FRIEND AS PALE AS ANYTHINK NO I SHOUTED NO PLEASE NO HE LOOKED AT ME AND SAID IVE SPOKEN TO THE DR AND IT LOOKS LIKE A TWIN PREGANCY I SCREAMED PLS I NEED MY BBES DONT LET THIS HAPPEN PLS BUT AT THIS STAGE THE DRS REFER TO THEM AS A FETUS BUT WHAT HAD I DONE WRONG !! ID LOVED THE BLANK EATEN HELATHY AND NOT SMOKED DRUNK !!WHY I SCREAMED FRANTICALY TRYING TO GET HOLD of blank the i lay there i begun to relax and i felt numb i looked at my bump and i thought it was true i was pregnant and i had lost them why i dont know no body knows for if they did we could of stopped them i was asked if i was under any stress ,i thought me stressed then i realsied blank and me had been going through a tough time all that stress i cant say it was to blma ebut it hurt i neede him and he wasn there too ,a little while later a dr took me for another scan to check what was left still holding on to my last little bit of hope i thought he tell them they have it wrong,i was laying there i had been in the room with other pregnant mums but taken straight in due to the heartache i lay and watched the screen looking for my bbes a silence was in the room the scanner a male one was great he said im sorry i said its ok its not ur fault he then left the room that numb feeling come back i lay there and waited he checked again and found retained products at the top but everythink else was gone i sat up i was wheeled back to the ward i was advised to stay but i needed toget home ,i left thanking the drs and nursing staff for the suppport and efforts to help me also for there kindness they had even put a sheet over so i didnt see to much as my legs where raised up and i was laying flat,as i got into the car i felt shocked hurt pain and couldnt beleive ,this had happened ,sudnley i thought how do i tell blank what is he going to say eventualy i told blank we got back togeva we have been on off for a while due to my insecurities now as i didnt tust him for he had hurt me he had a right to know so i told him he seemed to disbleive me i couldnt blame him as even i found it hard to take in but it had happened as weeks moths went by i was trapped i had no one to talk to about it i didnt want to become a burden,i built up so much anger and heart ache i went often to my brothers grave side become very down sad and confused and was arguing with blank because of this
I COULDNT TELL HIM IT ALL IT WASNT FARE IT WAS SO HARD FOR ME I WANTED TO SPARE HIM THE PAIN UNTIL RECENTLY I WENT TO TELL HIM I WAS AGAIN LATE BUT BEFORE I COULD HE TOLD ME IT WAS OVER I THOUGHT WHY WHAT HAD I DONE I KNEW ARE RELATIONSHIP WOULD BE HARD AND PEOPLE ALWAYS INTERFERE BUT THEY DONT KNOW THE TRUTH NOW I THINK OF THEM DAILY AS I KNOW DOES BLANK SO THAT IS MY STORY I NAMED MY BBES ROBBIE&DESTINY I NEVER GOT TO SAY HELLO I NEVER GOT TO SAY GOODBYE BUT I KNOW ARE ALWAYS HAVE THAT SAME OLD QUESTION WHY.../..?


so if your reading this blank this is for u i never balme u for what u have done and what u did to i just feel angry u wernt with us i feel upset that i havent been able to put them to rest i need u to help me find a place for them to rest i love u unconditonaly i love u to me ur are a rose u sometimes pretty smart sumtimes draining sumtimes a thorn in my side but most of all ur the love ive always had to hide i nevr forget how much i loved u and still do but i need to be able to trust u which if u want to i knwo u could os ur so special and so loving too im happy for u in all u do but pls dont walk past me and turn away i need a hug to help the pain go away u mum never knew and ur family too but u know ,mine all had a clue but rember it was nto meant to be bbe i dont blame u xx

slleptight are bbe angels mummy & daddy love u R.I.P
many thanks for ur time reading my page love to all